I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
