I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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