What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize