I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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