Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
