OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
