I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize