nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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