How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I won the penis lottery.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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