Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
