I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
