Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Holy sore nipples Batman
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
