You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So vagazzling was a success
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize