I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
