we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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