Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize