Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
