I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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