Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
