I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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