i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize