Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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