This house was built for laser tag.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
