happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
