I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
