just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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