well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was like eating out sand paper
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
