Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize