fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
