Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
