Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
