Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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