That's when you crack a 10am beer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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