either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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