Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
