i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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