you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
