Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
