I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
