can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
