He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
