oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
