butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
