Non-Jews are for practice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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