Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
