$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
