Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
