I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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