there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
