I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The Olympian is in my bed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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