We're like a lot better than the average bears
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
