It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
