just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
