is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
