She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize