My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
