I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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