she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
