Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
