Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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