How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
