i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
