I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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