It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize