Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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