I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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