I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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