I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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