She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
