i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
whose parrot is this?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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