who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
