so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
