he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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