I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
