the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
