God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize