She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
