he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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