but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
