when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
