nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
