Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
