Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
