perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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