there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize