Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
