I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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