I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
