found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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