I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
